Ramblings About A Gwen Stefani Concert
Written by Alice Jester
Dec 17th, 2005, I was forced to take my seven year old to a Gwen Stefani concert at the Schott. Oh, that was such a must see experience (I’m hoping you are all sensing the intense amount of sarcasm there). I found in my archives my own personal account of this moment, and felt compelled to post it here.
Where do I begin? We got there an hour and 15 minutes too early. Julia was rather anxious to go. She was not the only seven year old there, nor was I the only reluctant parent. Mostly the crowd though was loaded with really drunk and stoned female college students and their reluctant boyfriends that were forced to tag along. Except for one particularly flamboyant young man who looked fabulous in his sparkly, jewel studded shrine to Ms. Stefani on his shirt and hat. Judging by this guy, some might say Gwen is the new Cher. It seems that because of the huge availability of tickets, they were offered to OSU staff and students and $25 a piece. Many obviously took them up on that offer.
We had to wait like a heard of cattle with hundreds of others at the entrance until the one hour before the concert mark hit. Then, we got to wait in a long security line where we were subject to the standard ‘pat down’ search from security personnel who really looked like they were going through the motions. They didn’t really seem to care if terrorists wanted to wipe out Gwen Stefani and part of the audience. I questioned the practice of doing that search to a seven year old girl though. Come on, do you really think I’m letting my child carry my explosives for me?
Julia apparently hates the smell of beer, and since we were sitting right next to the aisle that happened to be the aisle for main floor access, there was a ton of beer on the floor next to us. She complained about it all night. Funny how I didn’t have this problem when she forced me to take her to the American Idol tour. There is nothing quite like witnessing the waste on the floor of that hard earned $6 Coors Light that so many of these students were spending from money they got from their parents. I do like the smell of beer, but I can tell Coors light from other beers and it smells as unappealing as it looks. I’m rather snobbish when it comes to beer and anything that has Bud, Coors, or Miller on it does not get my consideration. Canadian and European beers are my preference, but even then I will never stoop to paying $6 for a standard sized beer.
So, after waiting in our seats for nearly an hour while Julia bounced around after I let her have cotton candy (another bad judgment on my part, just like the entire evening), some chick named Ciara came on. I haven’t heard of her, but surprisingly the audience had and many were very enthused with her performance. This is the point where I’m convinced that I’m officially a cranky and old fashioned old fart. When I have attended concerts in the past, and I have seen just about every largely famous rock and roll band out there within the last 25 years, I’m used to singers singing and bands playing. This chick lip-synched to backing tracks while she and her spastic entourage did a bunch of gyrating on the stage. I don’t watch this stuff regularly, but where is the originality in this performance? Janet Jackson has been doing this for 20 years, and I didn’t like it when she did it. Her DJ was pretty good though. I would have watched just him for 45 minutes. All the songs sounded the same and I didn’t recognize a single one, but somehow Julia recognized a few. “Where in the world have you been listening to this stuff?” was how I was to begin my line of questioning, but then I remembered I was the damned idiot that showed her Yahoo music. The crowd went nuts, so apparently whoever Ciara is she has some hits. This is exactly why I stopped listening to Top 40 music years ago.
Then my moment of mercy came when Ciara finished. Sadly, it was another 45 minutes before Gwen went on, so I had to deal with a nice and spastic, wired with sugar Julia in that time while more and more beer got spilt next to us. If I wanted to save $6, I could have pulled out a straw. I have standards though (I do however question the standards of the many college students looking at that beer as if they were thirsty). Finally the ushers showed up with a mop and as I am trying to get them to work their way to our seats, Gwen Stefani comes on. She is looking glamorous and in full appreciation she has a full live band and is actually singing her songs. That is exactly where the appreciation ends. She goes into one song after another and I don’t know a damned one. She is only singing songs from her new album, and it is very apparent like so many other albums today that once you get past the hits there is not much substance there (not like there was that much substance to the hits either). She lost the audience at about the 4th song. I think we were all hoping for a few more songs we knew. Her costume changes were good though. She at least tried to mix it up there since she didn’t have much musically to work with.
In 1987, I saw at the Pontiac Silverdome near Detroit The Who. It was their 25 anniversary tour. It was rumored that Pete Townsend didn’t even want to do the tour, but he agreed since Roger Daltrey and John Entwistle needed the money. Radio stations reported earlier that day that Pete has some sort of flu bug and might not even be able to go on. Anyway, they did go on, and for 3 unbelievable hours they blew the roof off that place! Easily the best concert I ever saw. For a bunch of guys that were supposed to be going through the motions, they didn’t show it. I bring this up because Gwen Stefani told us a couple of times during the show she didn’t want to tour but her fans demanded it. Unlike The Who, she showed it. We couldn’t even get a full hour and a half performance out of her. She did the quick encore of Julia’s favorite song, “Hollaback Girl”, then everyone bolted off the stage and lights on. Total time, 1 hr 25 minutes. The Who gave me 3 freaking hours at half the cost and did a way better show. The Who didn’t whimp out with a lame opening act either.
Julia was even bored by Gwen. She got to hear the 2 hits, and was rather underwhelmed by the rest of it, as was most of the crowd. I think Ciara got a bigger crowd reaction. We all left, nobody really giddy over tonight’s event. Julia fell asleep in the back while I waited in traffic to get on the freeway. I’m hoping this will make her think twice about making me take her to a concert for someone that she doesn’t know their songs beyond the hits. I doubt it. It takes kids three or four times to learn a lesson. Given the expense though, she is learning in one.
I got home, sent Julia to bed, while John and I sat down and watched Coldplay on Austin City Limits. Now there was a performance! I could have save myself $100 bucks and stayed home and watched this. They even sang more songs then what I saw earlier. The lesson learned here is listen to the artist’s album before going to see them in concert. If it sucks, watch at taped Coldplay or U2 concert instead.
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